Future Letter to my Youngest Son

Jason Sunshine-
When you were seven, Mummy and I were facing a difficult time in our lives. For a long time we had not had the feelings for each other that healthy married couples have, and we were seriously considering moving apart, keeping ourselves as a family somehow, but living apart. We tried that for awhile, and during that time, both Mummy and I spent a lot of time reflecting on our lives, our feelings about each other, and thinking about the things that were really important to us in life. We went off and did things we had never done before, found new things that were interesting to us, and found ourselves smiling and happy in ways we hadn't felt in awhile. Of course, we were doing these things separately, with friends sometimes, but not with each other. But these were also difficult times for all of us, because they were new and confusing, and we didn't yet have a clear idea about what the future would hold for any of us. For you boys it was toughest of all, not only because our everyday lives were so disrupted by Mom or I being away a lot, but because other things competed for Mummy's and my thoughts, and so we weren't able to give you all of the attention that you deserved. Mom and I were aware of this, and it made us feel miserable, but we had to know what was the right thing for all of us in the long run. Some families stay together even when the Mom and Dad don't get along very well, and that's not a great situation, for the kids or the parents, either. We needed to try something different.

So, as you know, during this time both Mummy and I started to discover a lot of new things in our lives. We learned a lot about ourselves, and the way we interact with other people, including each other and with you guys. We met with a special therapist, like a doctor, who helped us to understand our situation, and find ways to make it better. Mom in particular didn't think things were going to work out, but we were both surprised when, after a while, we were able to relax a little more around each other and open up to each other. We learned that there were things each of us were doing that we needed to change, and these changes made a big difference in how we saw each other. We spent some time alone together and really tried to see what life might be like if we were to get back together. It wasn't an overnight thing by any stretch, but we found that actually things started to click, in some cases for the first time since we met each other. Pretty awesome time of discovery, and of course it was no secret what this might mean for our family and for you guys in particular.

The rest is history, though not without its ups and downs. No marriage is ever without struggles; by its very nature, you have two people with their own interests having to also satisfy the other person. But it is where love happens, and our love for you guys was made all the sweeter, and stronger, because of it. We would never have stopped loving you if we had ended up moving apart for good -- one thing Mom and I agreed upon during the entire time was how much we loved you boys -- but I think that a family with two parents is able to spread the stress load around a little more, and that has made it easier for all of us to spend more of our time with each other. I will always wonder what it might have been like if we had taken the other path, but I have no doubt in my mind that we chose the right one.