We met with our couples therapist yesterday for a long, deep session that explored in greater depth the reasons why Sheila wants to divorce, and why she cannot conceive of getting back together again down the road.
Sheila recounted her misgivings, and fears, throughout the years, and the evolution of her position from loneliness, to frustration, to anger, to numbness, to forgiveness, to letting go and moving away emotionally. She now feels completely at peace with herself and her decision, and does not feel that further exploration will turn anything up that would dissuade her from this path.
The reasons she feels so sure of this boil down to one major theme: she has never felt "met" by me, emotionally, and she doesn't think that will ever change. She might be right, or I may find a way to finally relate to people in this way, now that I am getting help. This is something I am working on with my therapist, and I look forward to gaining a better understanding of how and why this is difficult for me.
In any case, the course that has become clear to me is that I gain the most right now from believing Sheila, and meeting her at this emotional and spiritual level. Ironically, the best way I can move forward is to align myself with Sheila over the decision to divorce. It is an important test for me to be able to do this. If I can't do this now, how could I be expected to meet her emotionally over other issues, down the road?
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