Blindsided

(Written Tuesday, December 11, 2007)

I admit I was completely blindsided by the fact that my wife wanted to leave me. I should have seen it coming, especially considering the daughter issue described in the 'Mourning the Loss...' post, but it never occurred to me that we wouldn't be able to find the time, when the dust settled on our very busy lives, to work through our issues.

Probably in response to this blindsiding, I have gone to the other extreme, where I now assume the very worst about our situation. I need to check myself on this, but without solid evidence one way or another there is plenty of latitude for guesswork, and my guesses are generally going to the extreme possibilities. At least, my outward guesses, including what I put down on paper and talk about with my close friends, are as start and bleak as I can imagine. Inwardly I still hold a strong candle of hope that things will somehow work out.

Any insights here? Only the recognition that this is going on with me, as some sort of defense mechanism. The truth probably lies somewhere in between these outward expressions and inward hopes.