Sheila appears to be increasingly invested in her belief that we shouldn't be married. This may be deliberate or unconscious, or some of both. To fulfill this prophecy, I find her sabotaging our time together, being unnecessarily cold and unhelpful. She wasn't always this way; it appears to be a recent development that may coincide with her firming commitment to the belief that we are wrong for each other.
I know that pointing this out to her directly will not lead to anything positive. She would likely become defensive and disagree with my premise. After all, her premise, that we are not meant for each other, have little in common, and don't understand each other, trumps all in her mind. It's an impossible point to try to argue, and I'm glad I'm aware enough to not even try.
Instead, I go back to the idea that the greatest hope lies in addressing the cause of our unhappiness, and not challenging the symptoms -- the external manifestations of it. For me, that translates to bringing positive, constructive energy to our time together, being patient with Sheila, and gently defusing conflicts instead of falling into the trap of engaging them. It also means infusing creative activities and ideas into our marriage and our family time. She needs to be the one to see that we could have some fun together; it may take a while for her to acknowledge the possibilities that await her, and it doesn't help in any way for me to simply say it. She isn't going to offer these things to our marriage, but that can't stop me from doing it. In this phase of our relationship, I fully expect to be the only one pulling the load, and that's okay with me.
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